"The keynote to happiness within the four walls that make any home is plain, wholesome, well cooked food, attractively served." Louis P. De Gouy, The Soup Book (1949)
February 4, 2023
Lazy start on a Saturday morning:
Me: Arnav, I feel guilty, I don’t do a lot of the stuff, example cooking, like a typical Mom does for her kids.
Arnav: That’s what I like about you…you don’t do the ‘typical’ stuff!
Me: You never fail to make me feel good about myself.
January 23, 2023
Books!, General Leave a comment
The book is based on one American woman’s crusade to advocate for the rights of women accused of insanity. Based in the nineteenth century, the book narrates the story of Elizabeth Packard, a mother of six, who emerges victorious against all odds.
Elizabeth is locked up in the asylum because her husband does not agree with her religious views- in the modern day many countries are more or less tolerant of diverse religions and controversial viewpoints, though we have a long long way to go.
Wait, there is more…. diversity of religious views wasn’t the only reason to admit someone in an asylum, I was surprised to read that in the nineteenth century- novel reading, masturbation and irregular menstrual cycles were a few of the many reasons that women were admitted to asylums! And it was just a handful of ‘men’ who decided whether the woman was a ‘fitting’ candidate for the asylum. In those times, a woman was solely at the mercy of these men.
Elizabeth employed a variety of tactics from physical resistance to negotiations with hospital staff to writing (notes, pamphlets, books!) to protest her treatment. During her stay in the asylum, Elizabeth and Dr McFarland’s (Superintendent of Insane Asylum, Jacksonville, Illinois. ) relationship goes through many ups and downs and it becomes complicated.
Sometimes out of her good will and sometimes given her circumstances, Elizabeth thought the Superintendent would truly change. It takes a lot to endure what she did and one needs to constantly tell the mind to focus on what seems right in a given context.
When Elizabeth is first released from asylum, she thinks of homecoming, coming back to her children, however reality plays out very differently. Against all odds, Elizabeth fought through the system, through her sheer intelligence, perseverance and strength, she petitioned the Illinois and Massachusetts legislatures, and in 1869 legislation was passed in those states allowing married women equal rights to property and custody of their children. A huge victory!
Elizabeth reinvented herself from a mother to a publicist and lobbyist for better sanity laws to earning enough to support her children and even estranged husband.
The book also explores two other critical aspects: a) the power of rumour and reputation b) rising about your own needs to bring a systemic ever-lasting change.
As the book takes you through Elizabeth’s journey as a woman, mother and asylum patient, you realize her personal tenacity.
Like a friend said, the key is to keep doing the right thing, and I think that’s where Elizabeth drew her strength from. She is a great role model for standing up for yourself and always following the truth.
So what do you learn from her story…be Fearless, be unstoppable, it is all about the power within you, make it happen, create the future you want!
December 28, 2022
It is early morning, I am in Goa, still dark as the sun is yet to rise, I can hear the waves, the birds chirping, the sun is yet to rise,
I had planned this trip with Arnav and and a couple of friends joined in too. However this one was supposed to be special.
As Arnav grew, we would take him for a holiday every 3 to 4 months, and my holiday revolved around him, whether it was the pool, a museum, a joy ride, a park, a games room, sleeping time..movie, it was all about Arnav. I loved being a kid all over again and being his partner in crime.
However this time, at the last moment Arnav decided to stay back, he sure is growing up. There was this deep unsettling feeling, what am I going to do without Arnav, who will share the goodies in the hotel room, who till play ludo……the mind never stops thinking, next year he goes to college, often times he won’t join us; As he turns 18 in 2023, it is end of a phase and beginning of a new one….
The Holiday was still great, I spent most of the time in water- sea, pool, walked a lot, ate a lot of good food, watched a couple of movies, a chance connect with a wise soul and some comforting conversations and laughs with friends.
Yes there is this sense of emptiness, ‘being’ means ‘being with Arnav’ sure I will always be with him, however it is also time to ‘being with myself’ ‘for myself’
Note to self: I missed swimming, water makes me feel good, should include in my routine back home.
Note to self: Get out more often 🙂 Laugh more! Party more 🙂
November 2, 2022
Earlier today, Arnav, my son, asked me if I will meditate with him…as I nodded in affirmation, I felt grateful for the fact that my 17 year old is thinking about meditating and asking me to join him.
Towards the end of the meditation, as the speaker guided us through a goal setting exercise, as we sat there, Arnav reached out for my hand and held it for the rest of the session.
We both sat on our balcony floor, our eyes closed, the traffic noise, the gorgeous sunset in the backdrop, what’s for dinner…what’s the agenda for next meeting…what’s next…. the good..the not so good, all thoughts faded and in that moment I experienced bliss and immense gratitude towards life itself.
These are the moments I live for….all that mattered in that moment was Arnav’s ability to reach out and establish a connection at soul level with me.
I feel blessed to have him in my life, as he is growing I admire the man he is becoming and am in awe of the “soulful” moment that I experienced with him today. God Bless you Arnav!
October 25, 2022
Family, Friends, Fun and Feast!! Kobe and Arnav are always there, thankful for them and my friends!
October 22, 2022
How I love Diwali ….sweets, friends and relatives, new clothes, crackers, the lights & rangoli, the list goes on.
The festivities make me nostalgic….
I miss home, the home that I grew up in but we moved on, friends who I am now in touch with on social media only….times that I want to go back and soak myself in, but what’s gone is gone.
Of all my Diwali celebrations, I miss Diwali in Kota, it was so much fun! Back then, as kids, we could get away with being mischievous, and were never worried about adding extra pounds during this time of the year.
I miss Mom, her constant nagging 😀 yeah I miss that….I miss my brother, I miss giggling away to glory with my friends.
Life was so simple, my understanding of life was limited and I was good!…and then I grew up 😀
Now, I try to make it special for Arnav…but I miss the special “few” in my life… lighting crackers without my brother, my partner in crime, is no fun. Meeting up friends, eating sweets and wandering around aimlessly, we lived upto each moment.
I am hoping to make it special for Arnav this time as well- who knows which country he will fly to next year and I won’t have the luxury of nagging him 🙂
I gave myself today, to immerse in memories from the past…I needed this…..my happy place…
Tomorrow, I will embrace Diwali memories once more and then tuck them in a safe space…until next year….
The Diwali memories top of my mind:
Mom waking up early in the morning on Diwali to show us Lakshmi-Ganesh silver coin
Lighting 100+ Diyas on our terrace
Going to Diwali Melas, buying toy kitchen sets, the merry go round…a special ride with a friend.
Waiting for Ma Papa to go and meet their friends, so that I could rush to meet mine
Dressing up – my first lehanga
Hugging a dear friend
Bursting crackers with my brother
Cleaning the cieling fans- how could I forget that- a chore that was assigned to me all the time.
October 5, 2022
“No regrets!” How many times have you heard people say that..I have heard that a lot from my friends…
To each their own, but after reading this book, I would like to share a few things that help me not only process my feelings better but also make me think in a structured way as I paused, thought through my milestones decisions, regrets on the way, and how moving forward I can incorporate those learnings into my actions to minimize my regrets 🙂
I won’t deny that as I relived regretful moments, I did feel sad and the “what if” thoughts would take me to a different place….but again as I progressed with the book I realized that feeling of regret & processing it, did make me think a step further. By the time I completed reading this book, I was convinced regret is normal and healthy, it is an essential part of being human and feeling of regret is for thinking – and then addressing it…bottomline..” when feeling is for thinking, and thinking is for doing, regret is for making us better.”
Interesting fact: Regret is the most common negative emotion—and the second most common emotion of any kind. The only emotion mentioned more often than regret was love.
The author, Daniel Pink, classifies nearly all regrets into four core categories—foundation regrets, boldness regrets, moral regrets, and connection regrets. “For example, boldness regrets舒If only I’d taken that risk—are entirely about opportunities we didn’t seize. Foundation regrets—If only I’d done the work—are also largely about opportunities (for education, health, financial well-being) that we didn’t pursue. Connection regrets—If only I’d reached out—are a mix. They involve opportunities for friendship we didn’t follow through on, as well as obligations to family members and others that we neglected. Moral regrets—If only I’d done the right thing—are about obligations we didn’t meet.”
Interesting fact: Moral regrets make the smallest – with just 10% of total regrets (based on a survey) But no surprise that they last long and are most painful.
It is good to disclose or share our regrets or maybe write them privately, think through them, and extract a lesson from it so that our subsequent decisions are better. However as always it is very important to maintain balance as overly criticizing oneself can be demotivating, so manage this carefully and always practice self compassion as you disclose regrets. The author also lists different techniques to create distance from our regrets. I liked a couple of them, the first being the “ “fly-on-the-wall technique”, that is to be an observer as if your friend is dealing with this, what would your advice be, be specific and then follow your own advice. The other technique is to anticipate, and when anticipating regrets, project yourself to a specific point in future and ask yourself which choice will most help you build a solid foundation, take a sensible risk, do the right thing, or connect with others.
I actually wrote down my regrets… I do share them with a friend or think about them off and on, but previously I never followed a structure or tried to understand the deep underlying behaviors as outlined in the book. Taking time out to list & categorize my regrets, understand the underlying thoughts…”the if onlys”, and think through the few things I can incorporate in my behavior was worth the time. Now when my mind goes, “if only I had told XYZ…” I make a mental note so that I don’t slip the next time 🙂
Hi, I am Aparna and am based in Hyderabad. I and my husband have lived in different parts of India and therefore on this blog you will find a variety of Indian recipes.
Terveen's W.O.R.D.S and Writings And a little more
Joy of Cooking! 